It is a beautiful Saturday and I am still inside. The outside is just so full of distractions, Sun, Wind, Cars, Bombs, Walnuts and the wandering crack whore. I did leave for a while today, just to get supplies of milk and packing tape. Yes try to figure out how to use those together. It has been over two weeks since my former employer let me go. There is plenty to keep me busy around here. The Honey-do’s list is about as long as my arm, and living with 4 cats and two dogs there is always cleaning. The battle against fur has been raging for years, and so far it is like sweeping a dirt floor. No matter how hard you sweep there is always more fur underneath.

I have come across a song that I had forgotten about but now has a new and powerful meaning to me. Please take a listen,

Everyone I know goes away in the end.

Indeed

Hello from the recently employed. That is right I am without a steady paycheck once again. I first looked at this as an opportunity to write more and work on filling some stick orders. Yes I will explain that latter.

The thing is I can really fill my days with the seemingly unending list of honey-dos that I have either done half ass or not at all. Finding a good balance has proven difficult.

Discipline is the name of the game. I am finding the balance I need to get all this back on track.

Now I have to take some drugs and see a dentist tomorrow.

It has been a while since I have written. I guess this “blogging” thing is harder then it looks.

Some recent news, in fact just received my kiss off letter today, is that I did not get the job at Capital Region Medical Center. It is one of two hospitals in this crap hole town. The Position is something I am well qualified for, but yet they say and I quote here “While your qualifications met some of the requirements for this position, there were other applicants whose qualifications exceeded our expectations and who more closely fit our particular needs.”

I am sure this is just a boilerplate kiss off letter, but What The Fuck? It was for an entry level clerk position, how in the hell can someone exceeded their expectations over me? I would think their expectations at this level would be if I wore pants or not.

Oh well, I did not put out the best interview, but I thought I did enough to warrant a second.

Now my decision has been made, I will cut back my hours, and live…..and pigs will fly, and dogs and cats will live in peace!

Last week at my job (which will remain nameless because I need this one right now) I was asked to work the local Job Fair. They hold one here in Jefferson City about every quarter or so out at the “community center” in the now bankrupt Capital Mall. Why was I asked, a grumpy, sour, and generally goofy employee, it was simple there was no one left. The Personnel Director had gone thru all of the usual manager types to go out and help, I made the mistake of saying yes.

I have been to Job Fairs before, but only on the other side of the table. It was never a fun experience, and seemed quota filler more then a real chance to get a good job. This time I was on the “Power “side. I got to say, I was stunned. I was stunned in a couple of unique ways. The most prominent was that most of these job seekers were not in fact seeking employment, but only filling out forms so they can still get whatever government handouts they could. I felt more like I was at a club or bar then an avenue for people looking for work. They wore clothes that were completely unacceptable for any job, ever. Heck I was impressed when someone had a shirt and tie on, and I would usually ask them if they were lost. I would then see some old friends come by, good people looking for work after they were laid off from the job they had for 20 years or more. That made it such an unusual day, real people that need and want to work, and the hard core unemployable. I got to talk with the Personnel Director and she said that it is like this most times, and that all you can do is hope that a real candidate comes by.

I guess there is not much of a funny take to this story, I wish I could go into more detail, but I do not want to be on the other side of that table any time soon. Let’s just say it was eye opening and when my current employer tires of me….in say 2-3 years I will let you know.

I guess it has been a while. I have not written in a while as my wonderful depression has crippled most of my ambition. Well, except for sleeping, wonderful, glorious, pain numbing sleeping….whoops, anyway.

I have a quick note here as I have wanted to tell this story since it happened. This week is “Spring Clean Up” week for the East End. (That is right yo, HOLLAR!) This is when you finally put that broken couch on the curb so someone else can find use for it, or the trash company takes it away….to the dump next to the Osage River. No there is no spill over…ever. Well, I had two long suffering lawnmowers to put out. They both had seen better days, and have not run for many, many moons. I am standing next to my two lawnmowers on the curb when a very, very large woman in a minivan stops, and yells out the window, “Do those lawnmowers work?” Now a reasonable human would have logically deduced that if they were on the curb, in pieces, among the other trash that they indeed did not work. With that in mind I thought I would share this with her and said; “Do you think I would put them on the curb if they did work?” This seemed to jar the glandular challenged woman since there was a brief pause. She finally responded with “Well, do they work or not?”

I am not sure who won that battle of wits, as I was briefly stunned by her response. I turned to walk away and said “No, they don’t fucking work.” This upset her as she started to speak in a way that I could only understand with the help of C3-PO.

I will have more tomorrow with my adventures at a job fair, this time on the hiring side….

Well boy howdy did I have a dream last night! I dreamt that I was duel wielding two swords and hacking and slashing through an army of Chinese warriors. Oh, also we were in a field of yellow flowers. After I vanquished all of my opponents I had to collect shredded paper to cover up my blood trail. I then had to climb down a cliff and scale across some ruins to make my escape. Yeah, that was a dozy.

I would like to sit here and pretend to know what all that means, but I think I will just cram that back deep into my psyche. It will be right at home with all the other nonsense I have put there over the years. I do have to say it does not top the one dream I had, many years ago. I was in a chair that most closely resembled a barber’s chair. It was in a dark room with the only source of light was a large flood light from the ceiling. I was strapped into this chair when two men entered the light. They wore blue rubber long coats and surgical masks. Their eyes were dark and vacant. One of them had a saw in his hand. It was not a wood saw or anything that cliché; it was a hand held cast saw. It was much like the ones with a high speed blade that only sticks out the depth of a normal plaster cast used for broken bones. With this in one hand and his other on my forehead he starts to cut into the base of my skull. He continues to cut with me completely awake for this, at least in my dream. I remember screaming until the second man covered my mouth with his think gloved hand.

I then woke up, or at least that is all I remember of that dream. Dig into that one Freud.

It has been a while since I have added to my website. I got sidetracked by a nice bout of depression, worse then usual. The day has turned into a beautiful one; it reminds me more of fall then spring. I do wish I had the Hog running, but soon, very soon.

I did get to see a friend of mine on Friday. I have trained with him for some time, then his job changed and it got away from us. The new administration has pulled the funding for his work, so back to the old job he goes. It is good for me as I will see my friend more, bad for him as his work and dedication is for nothing.

I won’t bore you with more details; life here in the black hole known as Jefferson City is the same every day. I would like to write more about some of my training that I miss so much. I train in a general Martial Art known as Kali, more specifically Dekiti Tirsia Siradas. I have trained with some great teachers, and some really shitty ones. If you want to know the shitty ones, just Google my internet handle kaliace. I fought some of them on various forums, but I got tired of sticking my neck out. I just want to train, it really is that simple. I live in a town void of any type of good training, at least in what I want to learn. The only thing around here is McDojo’s and Black Belt factories. That is fine for kids, but what I want is more in the realm of realistic training. I have had some really good teachers for that, but alas they live several states away if not an entire country.

I look forward to training again; the weather will be warm so the parks can be utilized. I am very good at finding excuses for not doing it; I hope I have the willpower to overcome that mess.

Strange, being aware that I do find excuses for not working out, training, or any of those things, but still not doing anything about it, I guess I am not really aware.

Yep I am now a paying member of the internet world again. Well I have been shoveling money into Embarq and Sprint for years, but I have a website again. I am calling it 9 Toe Fu. If you know me then you know why the name, if not you must think I am off my nut.

I will explain more soon, right now I wanted to write again, and stretch my brain some more. I had to wrap it around some really funky numbers at work today. It has left my brain in a jiggling pile of goo. The work was auditing the work of others and documenting their mistakes. I have over 3 pages so far and only about 6 days in. Ouch.

When I was in High School (I even graduated, barely) I remember how much I hated math. I even remember trying to avoid it like the plague when I went to College, but now I do it day in and day out. Crunch numbers and spit out the results. Where in the hell did I go wrong?

I was going use this day to divulge more nonsense from my tiny brain, but that changed when I heard the news this morning. I was rolling through my usual morning routine when I heard that the head of a MMA clothing line was killed over the radio. They used that as the teaser, but I did not stay around for more details. I went to my new Dell Hybrid and fired up the internet. Sure enough Charles “Mask” Lewis was dead. He was a co-founder of the Tapout line of clothes and MMA apparel. He was also their outspoken leader.

I was an early fan of Tapout. I liked the concept and main logo they use. I even have some stickers, Tee-shirt, and a beanie from that time. The time they were struggling and making a name for themselves, and I believed in what they were doing. Strange, that is what Mask always said, to believe in yourself, and your dreams. Many people wrote him off and a crazy man that likes to wear lots of face paint and act a fool. I saw something else in him, I saw a man that loved what he was doing and was not going to let anyone tell him how to do it. He went from nothing to one of the biggest names in the sport of MMA around the world, all on his terms. You have to respect that.

R.I.P. Mask

Here it is on my second day of trying to figure all this mess out. Joy.

Well let’s just hit on today a bit. I had to do a job all day that I do not like, not even a little bit. The only thing I got out of it today was a nice migraine. I passed out when I got home and just woke up a few moments ago.

Okay on to better things, I am going to try and share some past rambling and keep you all up to date on my other projects. That is if I ever have any.

I will have more tomorrow, as I have another very, very long day at the Island of Misfit Toys.